Resolutions

I like the beginning of a new year; it holds such promise and hope. To tangibly feel a sense of promise and hope is a rare and fleeting treat for a mostly glass-half-empty, worried pessimist like me. By late January my warm fuzzy feelings about the New Year usually fade into a bone-cold fatigue from winter and its short, gray days. I begin to yearn for more light and the return of spring; and, fear of my annual February depression sets in…But for now, optimism reigns.

One of my favorite Christmas presents each year is a new calendar. I savor unwrapping it, as if doing so unleashes all the adventures to come. I linger over transferring birthdays, anniversaries and other things I know will happen from the old year to the new, thumbing through last year’s pages, remembering the events, appointments, deadlines and occasions noted there…Even the bad memories have their place, as they make the good memories even more dear.

I enjoy wondering what the new entries will bring – best birthday or anniversary ever? Notations about a new friend? A trip to….? Perhaps, a new job, interest or hobby? I don’t think about the bad things that could happen - as I said, I save that for the rest of the year… And, as I file the old calendar away, I take time to realize, one more time, how many bad things didn’t happen last year and say a prayer of thanks for all the good things that did.

Once the calendar ritual is completed, I move on to New Year’s resolutions - not as much fun as imagining what 2010 may bring, but, just as necessary because making resolutions is a way of noting where I am and deciding where I’d like to be next.

Some resolutions are always on the list – partly because they never really get accomplished and partly because they’re such no brainers. Things like “lose weight,” “exercise more,” “eat less,” “drink more water” and “get organized” are perpetual entries…Maybe someday they’ll get done…

Then there’s the self-help resolutions: “take a yoga class,” “do more sit-ups,” “read more,” “watch TV less,” “become a better conversationalist,” “get a bike, ride it,” “find a productive hobby,” “join a study group,” etc, etc…Somehow, way too many of these end up reappearing year after year, as well…

The home improvement resolutions also have a way of never quite getting done: “sort closets, throw things away,” “give each room a thorough cleaning,” “repaint fading woodwork,” “tidy up yards – front and back,” “pressure wash house, clean windows,” Yep, they could go on the perennial list, too.

The self reproach resolutions are never much fun: “be less judgmental,” “eat less meat,” “be more positive,” “gossip less,” “stop eating fast food,” “do volunteer work,” “live greener,” “make new friends,” “get out more,” It’s just so hard to motivate sometimes…

Last, and by no means least are the less tangible resolutions like “find more joy,” “have more fun,” “give more of myself to others,” “worry less,” “laugh more,” “be more kind and generous.” These are my favorites, probably because they are sound lovely but are so obscure that the chances of actually achieving them are quite slim, so there’s no pressure implied.

This year I have a new strategy for working my resolutions list. I’m going to get a Nintendo Wii – the fitness games, dance pad version. It will help me lose weight and exercise more, and all that exercise will make me drink more water. It includes a yoga class and doing more sit ups. Playing with my Wii will mean there’s less time for TV; talking about it will make me a better conversationalist. I suppose Wii could be considered a productive hobby – at least the exercise games. In order to make room for my Wii and the pads and boards and things that come with it, I will have to sort and throw away some things, and give at least the TV room a thorough cleaning.

I’m pretty sure my new Wii will make me less judgmental – I used to make fun of grownups who play games. And, my renewed sense of fitness will help me be more positive and eat less fast food , plus I’ll be so busy with my games I won’t have time to gossip.

The real bonus points from my Wii are going to be in the “less tangible resolutions” area. There’s no doubt I will be having more fun, worrying less and laughing more – one look at me rocking to the hits while thumping around on that dance pad guarantees that. So, there it is – more joy. We’re not even a week into 2010 and it’s already shaping up to be a pretty good year.

Christmas

“’Maybe Christmas,’ he thought, ‘doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.’” Dr. Seuss

For the first time ever – yes, ever, as in my entire adult life – I am ready for Christmas with a few days to spare. The gifts are all wrapped; the decorations are up; the tree is trimmed; the cards have been sent; and, all the out-of-state shipping is done. I have nothing left to do this Christmas except celebrate the season, and I am very excited about that!

Last year Mr. Clark was out of work during the holidays, so things were rather grim at our house. There were no gifts and it was hard not to let fear and worry dominate our attempts at holiday cheer. This year, however, thanks to Mr. Clark’s new found, most excellent employment, good times have returned and the spirit of Christmas is alive and well in our home once more.

And because of the lessons it taught us. Prior to the unemployment, we were spendthrifts who all too often whipped out a credit card to buy something we didn’t really need. Prior to the unemployment we took even our most basic blessings for granted – our house, our cars, the funds to put food on the table and pay the bills, our health, and our health insurance.

Now, having done without some of those things, and watched all of them in peril for what seemed like a very long 15 months, I can say we are much more in touch with how well-blessed we remain, and how lucky we are in so many ways. Those times made us more humble, more generous, more empathetic and a little kinder because we now understand, from a first hand perspective, what it feels like to have your hiney hanging so far out in the wind that you’re not sure recovery is even a possibility.

We are, obviously, not alone in our trials and tribulations.

The recession remains a huge reality and major problem for so many; unemployment is slated to continue to increase on into the New Year; and, foreclosures continue to rise. For some - in fact so many - this will be a difficult season in which to muster any cheer. And, my heart, and thoughts, and prayers continue to go out to those folks, as hard times may build character, but also make for some pretty bleak and difficult days and nights.

All I can say is “Hang in there! Better times may well be on the way. Stay strong! Persevere. Believe. Have faith! When you think you can’t go a single step further, keep on keepin’ on…Your hard times may be over soon. Prosperity may, once again, reign and you, too, may well be able to buy Christmas gifts again next year.”

I think one of the reasons this holiday season has been such a calm one for me – and, one of the reasons I’m ready for Christmas several days in advance – is that the time of unemployment clarified what really matters. Family matters; gifts do not. Gathering together matters; having an immaculately decorated house does not. Health and love matter; filling elegantly wrapped boxes with things no one really needs does not.

Thank God for this recession, because it gave us clarity we would not have gained without it. At work I hear coworkers talking much more animatedly than I remember in the past, about finding the perfect gift on sale, paring down their wish lists to what really matters, and not using credit cards to pay for Christmas. In stores I see families seeming to enjoy shopping together more, because they are buying less and having to choose more carefully.

And, in my own family, we are more in touch with how valuable it is to simply be able to be together, all still healthy, for yet one more year…The gifts, while under the tree again this year, are an after thought – well appreciated, but simple – and all paid for with cash.

So, in a weird way, thank you, recession, for getting our collective priorities back in line. And, in the words of the ever-in-touch-with-what-really-matters Tiny Tim, “God bless us everyone!”

Lights

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”

- Andy Williams song lyric

Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and I’m a real sap for everything the holiday season brings. I love listening to Christmas music and happily play the same six “Holiday Music” cds Mr. Clark made years ago, over and over again.

From November 27^th through January 1^st, I keep the car radio tuned to one of those 24/7 Christmas music stations. And, I never get tired of holiday muzak in elevators, on hold, or in stores.

I still send holiday cards - complete with a cheesy letter and family photo – and, I read with relish the equally cheesy letters and bad family photos the folks I communicate with only once each year send.

I like decorating the tree, and it takes me forever because I savor each memory the ornaments bring – the two “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments, all the ugly yet beloved home-made ornaments the kids made at school, and all of the souvenir ornaments from family trips.

I’m not much of a baker, but Mr. Clark is, so the house is often full of nice aromas this time of year, as Mr. Clark experiments with a recipe he saw in a magazine or found on–line. I am a real sucker for those pine and cinnamon scented candles that keep the house “smelling like Christmas” (as my kids used to say), so when Mr. Clark’s not baking, they are constantly lit.

Each year I spend an inordinate amount of time decorating the house with Christmassy things. Mr. Clark will attest to this, as the annual kick-off to our holiday season is him banging his head on the crawl space beams and yelling, “Do we really need 15 bins of Christmas &%*$?”

My favorite Christmas thing of all, though, is the lights. I love Christmas lights! This probably began when I was little, because my dad was a big light hanger and I remember marveling at the result of his efforts each year. Magical…simply magical…as I imagined Santa flying over and always knowing where to stop because our house was one of the most brightly lit.

Maybe because of the brightness of those holidays past – or maybe because of the magic implied - my taste in holiday lights runs on the tacky side. Sure those tasteful wreaths hung in every window, lit up from spot lights below, are pretty. But, the houses I really admire are the ones with the all-out, really gaudy, super-dooper displays – lights on every eave, tree and bush; manger scenes and blow up characters; candy canes lining the walk; lights draped all along the fence; the more overdone, the better!

After all, if it’s holiday magic we’re after, why stop with a simple, tasteful display?

I also like the small, not-so-well-kept houses gaily festooned with a single light strand – often several bulbs burned out – accented with, maybe a plastic poinsettia, that’s clearly seen more than one year on the porch. There’s something so hopeful about the effort that goes into hanging a single strand of lights over a really ratty, run-down door…It’s like, “Maybe next year will be better?” or, “Hey, Santa, stop here!”

One year, near my house, a tenant draped a long strand of those big, old fashioned, multi-color, outdoor lights along the entire handrail of the long, rickety stairway that led to the attic apartment above an old, clearly-seen-better-days rental house. The same tenant had beautiful fiber-optics trees in both of the front windows of the apartment. It was stunning - such a happy display atop such a dark, sad, decaying house. I drove or walked by it every chance I got that season and it always made me smile…I’m sure Santa saw that bright display, as he flew over on Christmas eve, and I like to think he left a special treat for whoever lived there.

You see, I take those notions of the holidays being about light and hope, fond memories and the belief in magic very seriously. It’s the one time of the year when it seems a little easier for all of us to get it right. We can be, and often are, kinder, more generous and happy this time of the year.

For this reason, I let the holidays linger. You won’t see my Christmas tree out on the curb on New Years Day. Nope! We leave our tree up on through early February. After all, what is the hurry? Couldn’t January and February both use a little more cheer?

I also leave a few Christmas lights up all year – some draped around the back porch, a few stands lighting up the mantles, lights on the ficus in the hall. It might look a bit eccentric, but it makes me feel a little cheerier, more hopeful and bright – as if a little bit of Christmas spirit can last all through the year.