Thanks, Monster!

“A monster cannot survive in an environment of gratitude.” - Hawaiian healing wisdom

A good friend e-mailed me the other day - her husband has been laid off. Another “old guy” information specialist joins the ranks Mr. Clark has been among now, for the past 10 months…At my daughter’s job, they just laid off two of the six women who work there…The wife of one of my son’s good friends was let go last month…And, so it continues - the downward spiral of our economy and the upward spiral of unemployment…

Let me tell you, month after month of unemployment will wear you down…The bills pile up, the reserves dwindle…Mr. Clark continues to apply for jobs and work his network, to little or no avail…Some contract work has thankfully, recently come in, but the toll of month after month of worry, doubt, fear, anger and discouragement is a large one.

Finally, something has to give - either reality or attitude-wise - because if it doesn’t, everyone in the house will go crazy. I hit my wall a few weeks ago, and what triggered it (in addition to an ever-increasing depression, punctuated by fits of anger, and an overwhelming sense of worry about the future…) was a column I read in the Athens Banner Herald.

It was by Tom Camp; the title was “Gratitude in the recession.” In the column, he talks about visiting Hawaii, in particular some native healers of the Lomilomi tradition. One healer spoke about how “a monster cannot survive in an environment of gratitude.” The monster the healer was referring to was a tumor. Columnist Camp added fear to the list of other monsters we face, and he’s right.
Camp goes on to talk about how “fear blocks gratitude,” and how fear gets in the way of awareness of the grace that goes on all around us all the time – the simple acts of kindness and small offers of generosity.

“A mind stuck on anxiety about the future misses the wonder of the present moment,” he said, and something about that – and the notion of actually being able to take control over the monsters dominating my life - really hit home.

Here I was, coming down to the kitchen every morning, bringing a cloud of black worried negativity with me - so anxious about the future, and so tired from another night of bad dreams or tormented non-sleep, that I couldn’t even taste my coffee or hear the birds singing outside.

I was angry that my world was falling apart, and there seemed to be no end in sight. I was demoralized because (at least by the look of Athens or Atlanta traffic) everyone but Mr. Clark has a job. I was snapping at people at work and losing my temper way too often. The coldness permeating my heart was making those around me shiver…My monsters were alive and well, and I was the one feeding them.

I had let my house, my mind and my attitude become an all-you-can-eat buffet of negativity for any monster that wanted to stop by…And, while the monsters of fear, worry and unemployment were thriving, Mr. Clark and I had slowly begun to die…

The Lomilomi healers made it clear. It was time for a radical environment adjustment, and there was no one to kill the monsters in my life with gratitude and kindness except me.
So, I began to look for ways to be grateful, rather than angry. And, it turns out, once the monsters have been put on notice (and a diet), being thankful is not all that hard. Even the unemployment has brought us blessings.

Mr. Clark used to travel all the time, and it’s been nice to have him settle into the place he’s always called home, but never spent much time at. I used to do most of the shopping, cooking, cleaning and bill-paying. Since Mr. Clark has taken over these things, we eat better, cheaper, and what finances we have are in much better order. (I still keep a tidier house…)

We used to harbor the delusion that jobs with nice salaries and benefits were guaranteed, which led us to overspend and use credit cards too much. Now that those days are over, our lives are simpler and more under control.

“An environment of gratitude fosters generosity and resiliency,” Mr. Camp wrote, and it’s that word “resilient” I really like. Things could get much worse than they are now – indeed, they might. But, remembering to be aware and thankful for what we do have will certainly help keep those monsters of fear, worry, anger and negativity at bay…And, that will most surely allow us to be more resilient with whatever the future brings.