Anniversary

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worst.”  - Doug Larson 


      Mr. Clark and I just celebrated our 31^st anniversary which sounds like we’ve been together forever to some and to others, like we’re just starting out. I have to admit, saying I’ve been married for that long surprises me. Just a short while ago we were two hippie kids saying our carefully written, not-too-binding vows over carrot cake; now we’re a couple of middle-aged folks with grown kids. Where has all the time gone?
      We began our journey together on August 19, 1979. It was a glorious day for the casual outdoor wedding we had planned – friends and family, nothing big, to be held at a little house we rented in the mountains outside Boulder, Colorado. It looked like something from a Woodstock film clip – all the men sporting pony tails or big, bushy Afro’s, wide ties and even wider lapels; the women in flowing gowns with colorful flowers in their hair. 
      The house we lived in was by a pond, so the ceremony was on a dock my dad built especially for the wedding. We were married by the same judge who married my dad to the wife he still has, and my brother to the wife he still has, so there was, apparently, some luck in having him officiate.
      Mr. Clark rented a white tux with tails and I wore a sexy little off-white number I’d found in a thrift store for $35. Our entire wedding budget was $300, a gift from my dad, so we had to be creative.
      A friend who sold flowers from a cart at outdoor concerts (but hoped to own a flower shop someday) said she’d arrange the flowers, if we’d buy them. A couple of friends who worked in restaurants (and wanted to be chefs someday) said they’d make the food, if we’d buy the ingredients. Another friend (who wanted to be a photographer someday) offered to take pictures for the price of the film. Yet another friend, this one a waitress with dreams of becoming a pastry chef, made a marvelous carrot cake that was so delicious the top tier still tasted good when we pulled it from the freezer a year later.
      As you can see, we were young and Mr. Clark and I weren’t the only ones bringing hopes and dreams and a wish for good luck to our wedding that day...
      The ceremony was short; we made promises to each other we thought we could keep – no ‘til death do us part – just some nice quotes and sweet sentiment to see us through the next few years, because that was as far as we could see. Ed’s parents were divorced and so were mine; my brother was in his second marriage; and, most of our friends vowed never to marry, making statements about true love not needing a license.
      We didn’t have a registry and we didn’t get many lasting gifts because, frankly, no one expected us to last. Instead, we had a honeymoon fund and our guests gave enough for us to spend a week in Cancun, Mexico, back when it was still a sleepy little fishing village. We slept in an open beach hut in “hamacas matrimoniales” – two hammocks hanging side by side - and had a wonderful time.  
   Fast forward a few years and our kids arrive – two of them, bam, bam, 15 months apart; then on to those wonderful, tiring, every-hour-is-filled child-raising years. Before we knew it, we were celebrating our 10^th anniversary; 20 years together found us in Georgia with kids graduating from high school. By our 26^th anniversary both kids were out of college and our daughter was married. Next came our son’s wedding, followed by some very quiet time in our marriage. What to focus on now that our obvious job together was done?
      When Mr. Clark’s job fell prey to the recession, times got pretty grim; nothing like a little “for worse” to make “for better” seem pretty far away. And then, right when we were about to give up hope, “better” came back. Mr. Clark landed a good job and we were able to see a future again.
  If you’d asked me on that dock that day if I’d still be standing next to Mr. Clark 31 years later, I probably would’ve said it doesn’t matter – so lovely was the “now” we were living in. Marriage has turned out to be a better surprise and a longer adventure than I expected. It’s been a deeper, richer, more challenging experience than I could ever have imagined. We’ve shared times of closeness and of great distance. And, all along the way we’ve been well-blessed and enjoyed more than a few bits of good luck.   
  Once the glue that children provide is gone, you find yourself asking yourself if you’d renew those not-so-binding vows, eat another slice of carrot cake, and stick together to see what comes next; for Mr. Clark and I the answer was, “Yes.”
      Our daughter gave us a framed picture of a heart with the words, “Mom and Dad, tied together by stuff too difficult to explain to someone new,” calligraphed on it; what a lovely anniversary gift and so true.       

Dumb!

  “FEAR is an acronym…for “False Evidence Appearing Real.” – Neale Donald Walsch

      I don’t know about you, but I’ll sleep better tonight knowing they’ve found the six freshmen/new students (out of 5,700 total) at UGA who lack citizenship documentation. Another threat to society, routed out! The numbers aren’t out yet on the total number of illegal aliens calling themselves Dawgs, but according to the state university system’s residency verification committee, of the 302,000 students enrolled in Georgia’s 35 state-funded colleges and universities, 230 don’t have the proper paperwork. That is one half of one percent – whew! Another close call averted.
      Given the economic trouble our state university system is wrestling with, I hope the chancellor’s committee was made up of volunteers, but something tells me it wasn’t. I wonder how much money this student citizenship witch hunt cost us in terms of lost time and wages paid to the folks at each institution of higher learning who had “verifying student documentation” added to their job descriptions? Something tells me we won’t hear about that because what’s important now is that we stay scared and angry over “all those illegals” taking advantage of our valuable resources.
      Never mind that they’re paying out-of-state tuition ($35,000 at UGA this year) or that that they’re buying books, eating food, paying rent and contributing to our ailing economy by spending money in other ways. What’s important is that those students are taking spots that should’ve been reserved for U.S. citizens…well, that may be.
      But, let’s look at it another way. I read a newspaper editorial this week that posed an interesting notion. The gist of it was that if we are going to deny access to state-funded resources like universities and colleges to students who lack proof of citizenship, why not take our patriotic fervor a step further and deny access to state-supplemented resources to industries and businesses that employ illegal aliens?
      What? We can’t run a poultry plant without access to water! No more cheap construction labor? We’re in a recession right now – we can’t pay the kind of wages an American expects. And how about all those businesses barely scraping by - but still able to do so - based, in part, on their dependence on illegal workers? With unemployment as high as it is, shouldn’t all of our jobs go to U.S. citizens? It makes sense. So, where are the politicians willing to make sure our already existing labor laws are enforced?  
      I am tired of hearing politicians pontificating about fear-based initiatives and running hate and anger-based campaigns. The problem of illegal immigration and who is entitled to what is way more complex than any of the solutions being proposed and if we continue to settle for simplistic sound bites rather than difficult but necessary action, shame on us, too.
      There are things we should be scared of here in Georgia – things that actually kill people, like heart disease, cancer, strokes, accidental injury and highway death to name the top five. Those are the things really threatening us in significant numbers – not people without the right paperwork stealing our school desk seats. Where are all the bills to tackling those very real problems?
      While we’re singling out groups to deny resources to, when will we see a candidate run on a platform that includes making it legal to deny obese people access to state-funded resources because their health issues cost us tax payers a lot of money in Medicaid and unpaid-for medical bill expenses each year? Why not appoint a special committee to identify and aggressively deal with dead-beat dads – the unemployed or self-employed ones who are flying below the child support collection system radar? Let’s deny them access to state-funded resources, too. (That could actually turn out to be a popular political platform plank, as it would also reduce the number of women and children using state-funded resources simply because their child support isn’t coming in.)
      While we’re legislating lunacy, let’s force employers to take some of those jobs they freed up by firing all their illegal workers and give them to those dead beat dads and financially strapped moms…Anybody want to get on the news by proposing something like that?
      The point is there is a narrow, fear, hate and anger-based focus that may get news coverage and gain votes, but it doesn’t solve complex problems. And, most of the problems our state and nation face right now are quite complex. Comprehensive long term solutions require difficult and potentially unpopular actions and until we start demanding that from our politicians all we’ll get is the kind of tabloid-splash drivel that this big tracking down of “all those” illegal alien students has become – something that generates a lot of noise, but tangibly effects only one half of one percent.
      We deserve better, but it is up to us to get it. “The key to change is to let go of fear,” Rosanne Cash said; I couldn’t agree more.  

Bad and Worse

“Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people.” – Oscar Wilde  


      I believe in democracy and take my duty to go to the polls very seriously, but for the past few years (actually more than a few years) voting has become like eating at my mother-in-law’s house where two casseroles known as “Bad” and “Worse” are routinely served.
      Take this year’s races. By the time you read this we will know the results of the run-off election, which means (because our current political landscape is like a buffet where the only choice is fried chicken) most of the races will have been decided. My bet? Some version of conservative Republican freedom fighter will have won. Which version? It hardly matters because they’re all so much the same.
      Actually, there was one candidate I was almost impressed with - Frank Ginn, vying with Shane Coley for the State Senate, District 47 seat. In addition to having a great last name (“Ginn, a tonic for troubled times” would’ve been my slogan suggestion) he had an intelligent, easy to use website where he used a few buzz words that were different from the other candidates.
      Of course, he included the standard arsenal of conservative catch phrases that seem to be required, at least in local races (Ginn vs Coley and Rob Woodall vs Jodi Hice for the US House District 7 seat) but, Ginn also used words like “manager,” “efficiency,” “empower,” “team building,” and “problem solver.” He said his top priority is to “grow jobs” and help families. He mentioned protecting water resources and improving roads – two refreshingly non-lofty goals as compared to his opponent’s promises of “liberty and justice for all” and “real solutions for real life.” Ginn also talked about “expertise,” “work ethic” and “improving our lives at home,” striking a humbler, more realistic tone than his opponent, who called himself a “battle-worn constitutional conservative.”   
      (As an aside, both guys want to improve education, which is paid for by those taxes they both want to cut…) 
      In the US House District 7 race, it was hard to find a “Bad” in all of that “Worse.” Woodall has the experience of having been Rep. Linder’s chief of staff, but his plan to introducing four bills on his first day in Congress seems a little unrealistic. Maybe he could eliminate birth right citizenship for the children of illegal aliens and freeze federal spending on the first day, then defund and repeal TARP and “Stimulus” and introduce The Fair Tax bill later in the week…
      As for Jody Hice, he lost me during his Ten Commandments crusade and that move from pastor to talk show host seemed a little shady; but the icing on the conservative cake for me was his billboard campaign – the one where he changed the C in Obama’s “Change” to the hammer and sickle from the Soviet Russian flag. There’s grandstanding and then there’s just plain wrong…
      I yearn for the days when I had a choice in the voting booth – back when there actually were two parties and that was okay. In order to run for office these days (and have more than an iceberg’s chance in hell of winning) a candidate must be A, a Republican; B, a conservative; then C-Z, embrace the following: be pro-gun and Pro Life; promise to lower taxes and be willing to fight for all those personal freedoms we’re currently losing; at least claim to be principled and promise to defend Conservative values; support Arizona-style immigration laws; decrease the size and scope of government; and, be comfortable with fear. Fear is a big component in politics these days – it’s important that we all stay very, very scared.
      In case you can’t already tell, I’ll be voting for Roy Barnes for governor in November. Maybe if a few of us die-hard Democrat dreamers keep voting, eventually there will be something to vote for besides elephants. Maybe the Yellow Dogs and Blue Dogs and Boll Weevils will come out of hiding and maybe a few more Gypsy Moths will see the light. Then we’ll have something to choose from besides “Bad” and “Worse” at that all-you-can-eat-fried-chicken-only-buffet known as a voting booth.    
      Now, before you get your conservative undies all in a bundle, remember, this is just my opinion – nothing more. And, isn’t it a blessing to live in a country where we can still voice our opinions freely – no matter how misguided to others they may seem?  

A Refreshing Trip

“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.” – Henry Miller  
      There’s no place like home but it sure is nice to get away - especially when home is as hot and humid as ours has been for so long. Mr. Clark and I just got back from five days in San Francisco and it was heavenly - if for no other reason than the highest temperature we encountered was 68. It was windy and cool to the point of being crisp; we actually had to wear sweaters most of the time – imagine that!
      It was a business trip for Mr. Clark, which meant I had a good bit of time by myself, which is fine. I do things I would never do with Mr. Clark like taking cheesy tours, browsing really tacky souvenir shops, visiting old cathedrals and cemeteries, taking lots of “arty” pictures and sampling tourist cuisine. (Mr. Clark is a more experienced traveler who likes to research his destinations, so when I’m with him we do things the travel bloggers recommend and try to hang more with the locals.)
      This trip started with a night at a hostel in the old keeper’s house at a lighthouse just down the coast from the Bay Area. This was a dream come true for me – a real bucket list item - as lighthouses are one of my favorite things. The lighthouse (Point Montara) and the hostel sat atop a high cliff with a little trail leading down to the beach and rocks below.
      It was windy and beautiful and we slept with the window open, so we could hear the surf all night. And, in spite of having to share the thin, hard, way too small for two old people, plastic hostel mattress on the bottom bunk of a much too small bed, in a very tiny room, we slept like babies. We didn’t even mind that we woke up stiff and sore the next morning - it was all just so coastal and quaint.
      One of the first things you notice in California is that everyone is thin and fit and most of them have a (recyclable, of course) card board to-go cup of coffee in their hands. I guess this is because it is chilly and there are coffee places everywhere. The little town near the lighthouse (Half Moon Bay) where we stayed was no different. I counted six coffee houses within 2 blocks of the main strip mall – which had two coffee houses of its own. If you’re looking for a glass of sweet tea or an All-You-Can-Eat buffet in this land of super health you’re out of luck, but if it’s coffee you want, no problem!
      From the hostel we went to the complete opposite accommodations-wise. The next night we cashed in some of Mr. Clark’s business travel points and stayed at a fancy hotel called The Mark Hopkins, located at the top of Knob Hill, the highest hill in the downtown San Francisco. Our room was on the 14^th floor and had a fantastic view. And, the bed? Like a huge, feather-filled cloud. I don’t suppose anyone has ever woken up stiff and sore after sleeping there.
      That evening we walked “The City” (as people from there call it) and had a wonderful time taking in all that sights, sounds, tastes, smells and scenery San Francisco is known for, then slept like babies, again, in that grand hotel bed.  
        The rest of the trip Mr. Clark was in meetings so I walked the entire “What to See in San Francisco” tourist map on my own, photographing and snacking my way through every quadrant. I don’t know how many miles I hiked, but I enjoyed every step. It’s a friendly city, low key and easy to navigate. The people are easy going and the atmosphere isn’t the hustle and bustle you’d expect. There are a lot of foreign tourists and it’s interesting to listen to their languages and see how they are dressed. And, as I mentioned, there are plenty of coffee places. It’s strange to be in the middle of the after work rush hour, right downtown, and be surrounded by a sea of people all carrying a cup of coffee….
        Traveling, even a short trip, gives me a fresh perspective and I always return home feeling refreshed and renewed. Now, if only we could get a little break in this heat, I’ll make it on through to sweater weather here just fine!