Anniversary

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worst.”  - Doug Larson 


      Mr. Clark and I just celebrated our 31^st anniversary which sounds like we’ve been together forever to some and to others, like we’re just starting out. I have to admit, saying I’ve been married for that long surprises me. Just a short while ago we were two hippie kids saying our carefully written, not-too-binding vows over carrot cake; now we’re a couple of middle-aged folks with grown kids. Where has all the time gone?
      We began our journey together on August 19, 1979. It was a glorious day for the casual outdoor wedding we had planned – friends and family, nothing big, to be held at a little house we rented in the mountains outside Boulder, Colorado. It looked like something from a Woodstock film clip – all the men sporting pony tails or big, bushy Afro’s, wide ties and even wider lapels; the women in flowing gowns with colorful flowers in their hair. 
      The house we lived in was by a pond, so the ceremony was on a dock my dad built especially for the wedding. We were married by the same judge who married my dad to the wife he still has, and my brother to the wife he still has, so there was, apparently, some luck in having him officiate.
      Mr. Clark rented a white tux with tails and I wore a sexy little off-white number I’d found in a thrift store for $35. Our entire wedding budget was $300, a gift from my dad, so we had to be creative.
      A friend who sold flowers from a cart at outdoor concerts (but hoped to own a flower shop someday) said she’d arrange the flowers, if we’d buy them. A couple of friends who worked in restaurants (and wanted to be chefs someday) said they’d make the food, if we’d buy the ingredients. Another friend (who wanted to be a photographer someday) offered to take pictures for the price of the film. Yet another friend, this one a waitress with dreams of becoming a pastry chef, made a marvelous carrot cake that was so delicious the top tier still tasted good when we pulled it from the freezer a year later.
      As you can see, we were young and Mr. Clark and I weren’t the only ones bringing hopes and dreams and a wish for good luck to our wedding that day...
      The ceremony was short; we made promises to each other we thought we could keep – no ‘til death do us part – just some nice quotes and sweet sentiment to see us through the next few years, because that was as far as we could see. Ed’s parents were divorced and so were mine; my brother was in his second marriage; and, most of our friends vowed never to marry, making statements about true love not needing a license.
      We didn’t have a registry and we didn’t get many lasting gifts because, frankly, no one expected us to last. Instead, we had a honeymoon fund and our guests gave enough for us to spend a week in Cancun, Mexico, back when it was still a sleepy little fishing village. We slept in an open beach hut in “hamacas matrimoniales” – two hammocks hanging side by side - and had a wonderful time.  
   Fast forward a few years and our kids arrive – two of them, bam, bam, 15 months apart; then on to those wonderful, tiring, every-hour-is-filled child-raising years. Before we knew it, we were celebrating our 10^th anniversary; 20 years together found us in Georgia with kids graduating from high school. By our 26^th anniversary both kids were out of college and our daughter was married. Next came our son’s wedding, followed by some very quiet time in our marriage. What to focus on now that our obvious job together was done?
      When Mr. Clark’s job fell prey to the recession, times got pretty grim; nothing like a little “for worse” to make “for better” seem pretty far away. And then, right when we were about to give up hope, “better” came back. Mr. Clark landed a good job and we were able to see a future again.
  If you’d asked me on that dock that day if I’d still be standing next to Mr. Clark 31 years later, I probably would’ve said it doesn’t matter – so lovely was the “now” we were living in. Marriage has turned out to be a better surprise and a longer adventure than I expected. It’s been a deeper, richer, more challenging experience than I could ever have imagined. We’ve shared times of closeness and of great distance. And, all along the way we’ve been well-blessed and enjoyed more than a few bits of good luck.   
  Once the glue that children provide is gone, you find yourself asking yourself if you’d renew those not-so-binding vows, eat another slice of carrot cake, and stick together to see what comes next; for Mr. Clark and I the answer was, “Yes.”
      Our daughter gave us a framed picture of a heart with the words, “Mom and Dad, tied together by stuff too difficult to explain to someone new,” calligraphed on it; what a lovely anniversary gift and so true.